15 Dec 2012

While conducting a seminar with college students about self-esteem, Yolo Akili heard a young person say something that remains an important touchstone for those of us trying to do liberatory work in our communities. When talking about loving oneself, a Black woman said, “Self love? That shit’s gay!”

I’ve turned this statement over in my head a million times as it so accurately and unintentionally reveals so much about the constructions of sexuality in our culture. “Gay” has become an all purpose insult that means something is not cool, wack, aberrant, and not worth your time. How deep is it that loving yourself is a weird and unworthy pursuit? If self love is gay, what is straight? Is straightness self hatred?

I want to be clear that I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being a cis gender man or woman engaged in loving consensual relationships with cis gender women or men. Like with race in our country, the problem isn’t necessarily white people, but how whiteness as a problematic social construct impacts everyone. Similarly, I would argue that straight people aren’t the issue but the way straightness and heteronormativity operate in our culture are serious impediments to self love and self actualization.

I choose to be queer. My choosing queerness has a lot to do with the scripts that exist for straight men and women’s relationships. Take the recent box office smash, Think Like a Man. So much of what is prescribed for straight couples is for women to change themselves into what they imagine men want from them.  You can see it if you want to but it’s essentially a feature film length infomercial for Steve Harvey’s similarly titled book. It had the requisite gay jokes (for both men and women) and many a strong black woman cut back down to size. By thinking like a man, you ensure that he gets what he wants, sex, and women get what they want, a man. This reductive view on what motivates straight relationships depends on strict gender roles.

Straightness/heteronormativity sets up roles for men and women that serve a capitalistic agenda more than the building of loving relationships. The script is simple; find a member of the “opposite sex”, date, get married, buy a house, have kids and do all of this as an individual family unit. Our culture will sell you the tools to properly achieve these ends, to properly conform to gender norms that will hopefully help you attract someone to walk down the aisle with you. Buy this men’s loofa and women will be all over you, buy this lady razor and your man will love to get close to you. Selling people the idea that they are somehow insufficiently performing their  gender, and therefore not attractive, reinforces a sense of self doubt and looking externally for validation, which is great for capitalism. You have to do something or buy something to be worthy of relationship. What a queer thing to say that my relationship with myself is important and I should invest in it over and above my ability to pull a partner.

And this is why I and other queer folks are giving Obama’s announcement regarding gay marriage the side eye. Leveraging privilege for certain types of households does nothing to address systemic inequality or combat discrimination that queer folks face. Why do romantic ties afford rights and access that would otherwise be denied? And I use the word “afford” deliberately because so much of what is obscured about marriage are its roots and continued relevance as a financial institution. Love takes a backseat to the structural realities of couple privilege in our culture. Society continues to give us messages that marriage is valuable, perhaps even at the expense of our own personal safety and freedom.

Self love is awesome. It should be celebrated and encouraged, not derided because it hinders an economy that’s dependent on folks feeling insecure. If loving yourself is gay, I don’t want to be straight.

4 Aug 2012

I feel like black folks from colonized countries that are majority white should be their own nation at the olympics.

The US and Great Britain shouldn’t get to count Gabby, Serena, Jessica, Mohammad, et. al when they don’t treat them right.

31 Mar 2012


Alien Bodies: Race, Space, and Sex in the African Diaspora | a Conference

Presented by the African-American Studies Collective

Keynote Speakers:

  • Saidiya Hartman, Columbia University
  • Madhu Dubey, University of Illinois at Chicago
  • Emory University, Atlanta, GA Spring 2013

3 Nov 2011


SEWSA POC Caucus Call for Papers - Litanies of Survival from the Ivory Tower and Beyond- Due Nov. 15

This year, the former Women of Color Caucus renamed the People of Color (POC) Caucus of SEWSA invites papers, poems, performances, playlists, prescriptions, potions, procedures, and processes of surviving the academic industrial complex. How many women of color professors do you know who died before their 60th birthday? How many Queer POC scholars do you know who were denied advancement because of their politics? How many POC students do you know whose work was unfairly labeled “not rigorous” because it was accessible to those outside the academy? How many of us owe our survival to the women of color staff people who run our departments? We ask because we know that you know countless stories like these and we know that you’ve had these experiences too. As survivors ourselves, we ask how did we do it? How do we do it again? And how do we do it better? Please share with us your research and personal strategies of survival. “We were never meant to survive,” but we do!

Please email moyazb[at]gmail[dot]com with your submissions by Nov. 15 with “SEWSA POC” in the subject line. SEWSA will be held at George Mason University March 29-31, 2012.

We strongly encourage submissions from undergraduates, staff, administrators, and interested community members.